What They Mean By Heartbreak
by Dawnstep
Summary: Hearbreak can mean a lot of things. AkuRoku, Zemyx, SoRiku, NamRox. Drabbles.


_When he just won't believe you love him, that must be what they mean by heartbreak._

He never believed me. At first, I thought maybe he just hadn't heard me, but then he just… forgot? No way. Even Roxas wasn't that brainless, and he did some pretty dumb things.

Like leave me.

I mean, hello, even without him knowing I loved him, I was his _best friend. _Of course I'd miss him! Of course I cared!

Oh, but I suppose I _forgot. _He had her to buddy-pal with, didn't he. Hmpf. I probably shouldn't be jealous of a dead girl- well, a girl who wasn't really alive in the first place- but, jeez, I have a right to be! I mean, I was _there _for him! At least, I tried to be! Surely he understood I couldn't just tell him everything, no matter how much I wanted to, no matter that I loved him… Xemnas and Saix woulda killed me, probably literally! But, nooooo, Xion bats her pretty eyelashes and he practically jumps off a cliff for her! Stupid world. Stupid fate.

Stupid _Sora._ I mean, Roxas is at least a hundred times better. Faster. Stronger.

…cuter.

No, I'm not just saying that cause I love the kid! Jeez, jeez. I mean, Roxas and I coulda taken out every last one of those stupid Dusks without breaking a sweat, no fading involved.

Ahhh, dammit. You know the story. One-sided love, huh? Sunsets and ice cream and best friends and… God, I miss him. Will I ever see him again? I'm in some sorta afterlife, but he rejoined Sora, so…

And here I thought I didn't have a heart to break.

_When he's suddenly gone and you cry emotionless tears, that must be what they mean by heartbreak._

All right, I cried. I'll admit that. I mean, Zexion was just _gone. _Even sitar-playing long into the night didn't help.

So I cried.

I'd never done that before. (Heartless, y'know?)

But as soon as I squared myself with the fact that he was gone, and he was never, ever coming back… I… I just… there was this huge, like, rock… thing… on my chest, and I couldn't breathe right, it was like I was choking, and then I was crying, and I was just so… so messed up that I didn't even realize the tears were there at first. And then I couldn't even concentrate on the fact that they were made of water!

I mean, we're _Nobodies. _We have no _hearts, _no emotions! So how could I cry, much less have loved him? Man, I still don't get it.

I wonder if he'd have been able to explain it. He was definitely smarter than the rest of us, 'cept formaybe Vexen. And Xemnas.

But hey, I wouldn't know, right? I'm the 'dumb' one, the 'lazy' one. The 'one-who-sits-around-playing-his-sitar-all-day-and-does-absolutely-nothing'. But I think, you know.

Mostly about Zexion. Or my sitar. But hey.

I figure I've got rights, you know? I love my sitar, so I get to think about it. I love Zexy even more, so I get to think about him. Even more.

So is my poor little Nobody heart broken now that he's gone?

Does Axel like to say "got it memorized"?

Yeah. That's what I thought.

_When he makes the hard choice and you know it's all for you, that must be what they mean by heartbreak._

I always knew Riku and I loved each other.

I mean, we all loved each other. Me, Riku, and Kairi.

So at first, I just assumed it was platonic. Like family, y'know? That's how I thought of us. Family.

I didn't realize until much later that it was so much more than that.

At first I fought the realizations. I thought, _I couldn't possibly. Not me. Not Riku._

But then I thought about it. I really thought about it, and do you know what I realized? I realized I loved him, in a much different way than I loved Kairi, loved him in a totally unplatonic way… so why couldn't he love me that way, too?

I didn't have an answer.

Riku made the hard choice. He didn't take out, he held strong in the end, and somehow I know it was for me, for our islands, for lazy days and happy afternoons and playfights and the sun and the palm trees and the sea breeze.

And that made me love him even more.

I really love everything about him. The way his silver hair sparkles when the sun hits it right, the way he laughs, the way his eyes are so blue, sapphire blue, aquamarine blue, so blue I could just sit there and stare for hours and hours and be perfectly happy, content because he was Riku, and I was Sora, and we were together.

The way he gave it all up… for me.

_When you have to tell him the hard truth, when there isn't any other way, that must be what they mean by heartbreak._

I hated having to say that to Roxas.

I hated DiZ for making me do it.

I hated the words.

"You were never supposed to exist."

But how could that be true? He had to exist. How could I love him if he didn't exist?

Maybe the answer was that none of us really existed. Not me, or Roxas, or any of Organization XIII. The Nobodies. Maybe we were all just mistakes, clueless creations that were _never supposed to exist._

But even I couldn't bring myself to believe the whole world was pointless. For if that were true, what would there be for any of us to live for?

However, maybe that's the answer. Maybe if the entire world is without meaning, all who just drift along are the ones who really have purpose, for just as having purpose in a purposeful world must surely make you real and give you something to live for, the only ones who really have meaning in a pointless world are those who are, themselves, without purpose.

Ah, I should stop my rambles. They distract from my musings.

That's because I muse of Roxas.

I draw him even when not constructing memories these days.

I fervently sketch, hi flashing light gifting me with endless inspiration.

But, somehow, I can't keep from adding a second figure, tall and lean, circled in flames.

Well, they are best friends.

Even though even I know they should be something more.

Perhaps I've broken more than my own nonexistent heart.

.x.x.x.

Yay! Done! Sooo. How'd you like it? AkuRoku, Zemyx, SoRiku, and even some Namine/Roxas even though I detest that pairing. :3 I prolly would have put in some XemSaix, but I had no idea what to write about for them, so. o.o Anyway, I think the SoRiku might just be my favorite of these =D

Well, my little break from writing 'real stories' has about two weeks left, so look for some more oneshots/drabbles/songfics in the next couple weeks, heehee. c: I definitely have a SasuNaru one on the horizon, a drabble thing, and then a Kisshu/Ichigo songfic (that's Tokyo Mew Mew, peeps). And, and, maybe an AkuRoku thing as well. Yes, I'mma be preety busy. :D But, believe it or not, this is all actually serving its purpose of restoring my muse (at least so far), so I'll keep churning 'em out, eh?

Reviews are love! Thanks for reading! 8D


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